


Why Be Jealous When We Can Be Polyam?

by SDBookFan



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Getting Together, Jealousy, M/M, Polyam Sanders - Freeform, Polyamory, The T is because Virgil swears, there isn't a good polyam sanders tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2019-01-18 03:25:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12379911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SDBookFan/pseuds/SDBookFan
Summary: Anxiety is fine. Really.





	Why Be Jealous When We Can Be Polyam?

He was fine. Really.

He had just wanted to be alone that was all. Nothing else. He was completely fine, everything was fucking perfect. He was lying on his bed blasting music because he wanted to. There was no other reason. At all.

……

He was so fucked.

* * *

 

_Three weeks earlier._

When Morality called him into the common area, Anxiety didn’t think much of it. The eldest side frequently tried to coax him out for “bonding time,” so Anxiety figured this was just another attempt to make him socialize.

But when he got to the room, the other three were sitting on the couches looking unexpectedly nervous. Anxiety slowed at that, his eyes flicking between the three of them.

“What’s going on?” he asked, part of him wanting to back out and run.

“Ah, well, we, that is the three of us, just wanted to tell you something, um, that we, uh, thought you should know.” Morality bumbled out, unusually flustered.

“Okaaay,” Anxiety drawled out, his tone not portraying his rising heart rate. “Is this something I should be worried about?”

“Oh, no!” Morality replied hastily. “Nothing bad! It’s just, ah-“

“New,” Logic cut in, “and very different. It will likely bring some changes to the mindscape, so we thought you should be informed. Also you are our friend, and culturally it is important for friends to be told of such things.”

Anxiety’s brow furrowed. _What the heck was going on?_

“Can I get a translation of that?” he said.

“We’re dating!” Prince blurted out, his entire body bouncing with excitement as he turned to beam at his apparent boyfriends.

Anxiety blinked. Well that was definitely different.

“Um, congrats?” he said slowly. “So when did this happen?”

“We got together a week ago,” Morality beamed. “Sorry we didn’t tell you earlier, it was just so new! We just wanted to take some time to settle into it first.”

“Don’t, don’t worry about it” Anxiety mumbled, one hand going to rub the back of his head. “So is that all? Can I go now?”

“You can, but you’re also welcome to stay and watch a film with us” Logic replied. “We were about to watch A Dog’s Purpose. Patton requested it.” He then turned towards Morality, his normally neutral expressions softening into a smile. Anxiety had never seen Logic look like that before.

“That’s okay,“ he replied, “I don’t want to interrupt your date night or anything like that. You guys have fun.”

With that he ducked out of the room. He wasn’t sure why, but he felt a little sick to his stomach. He really was happy for them. Sure, hearing that the three of them and gotten together had surprised him, but the more he thought about it, the more it made sense. And they definitely seemed to make each other happy, which was good. So why did he feel so weird?

Deciding it didn’t really matter, Anxiety decided to mess around on his laptop for a bit. Whatever he was feeling, it would probably be cured by a few hours of scrolling through Tumblr.

* * *

 

_Two weeks ago._

Anxiety had decided to leave his room voluntarily for once. He’d been feeling restless lately, and he was hoping that a quick snack trip would calm his jitters. What he didn’t expect was to walk into the kitchen and see Morality pressed up against the counter with Prince kissing the life out of him, as Logic stood just a mere foot away, his eyes dark as he watched them.

He must have made some kind of sound in his surprise, as the two abruptly broke the kiss and turned to stare at him. Feeling flushed, and sure that his face was redder than firetruck, he cleared his throat and made a few awkward gestures, as he began to back out of the room.

“I-I’m just gonna, you know, g-go. Now. Sorry.” he stuttered out, sure that he was only making the situation more awkward.

Much to his horror though, before he could flee the room in shame. Morality moved away from Prince and towards him.

“No, no, it’s okay,” he giggled. “Not your fault. We should have known better. Did you come in here to get something?”

“I’m okay,’ Anxiety replied quickly, his voice sounding a bit higher pitched that it normally was. “Really, I’m just going to leave. You can just get back to wh-what you were, yeah, I’m just gonna go.”

With that he all but raced from the room, hands going up to try and cool down his flushed cheeks. He was never leaving his room again, ever. God, he couldn’t believe he had walked in on them.

 _It was kind of hot though,_ a voice inside his head murmured.

 _Yeah, it was,_ he thought. Then, _wait…._

_Oh no._

_Nope, nope nope!_ He thought furiously. _We are not going there! We are erasing that thought forever and ever. Nope. Done._

As soon as he reached his room, Anxiety locked the door behind him. He needed to distract himself. Anything to move on from what had just happened. He just needed to stop thinking about it, that was all. It had been a weird day and clearly the stress was starting to get to him. He’d be back to normal by tomorrow.

Refusing to dwell any further on the event or his thoughts on it, Anxiety turned to Netflix. He still needed to catch up on Voltron.

* * *

 

_One week ago._

Anxiety hunched in on himself, as he pushed his food around on his plate. Ever since the incident of the week before, he’d been trying to avoid leaving his room as much as possible. But eventually Prince had come to drag him out, insisting that even Disney villains needed to eat, and that Logic and Morality had not only made beef stew, but also some homemade bread.

So here he was, sitting at dinner table trying to force himself to eat. It wasn’t that the food wasn’t good. It smelled delicious, but he just didn’t feel hungry.

At the sound of laughter, he flicked his eyes up to see Morality giving Logic butterfly kisses, making him squirm in his seat slightly, as Prince looked on and laughed.

Anxiety felt a pang in his stomach. He’d never seen a bunch of idiots so in love. He knew he should be happy for them, but he just couldn’t seem to muster up the emotions.

He moodily turned his gaze back to his stew. Stabbing a potato with his fork, he stared at it heavily, trying to make himself actually eat it. He needed to get over himself. Whatever this weird mood he’d gotten into, it needed to end.

But as more laughter rang out, Anxiety knew that staying here wouldn’t help. Dropping his napkin over his plate to carefully conceal just how little he had actually eaten, he stood up.

“Going to go back to my room and nap” he muttered, keeping his head down so he wouldn’t have to watch the reactions of the others. Still keeping his gaze downward, he stumbled out of the kitchen.

He could hear some murmuring behind him. They were probably wondering what was wrong with him. Well joke’s on them, he only wished he knew.

* * *

 

_Earlier that day._

Thomas had summoned them for another video. Anxiety hadn’t wanted to come out, but Thomas had summoned him directly, leaving him no choice. He actually wasn’t sure what it was supposed to be about though, as Prince had managed to derail the whole thing when he told Thomas about the new relationship.

Now the video seemed entirely focused on those three, as they happily recounted how it happened.

“I had been feeling strongly about them for some time now” Prince boomed out. “but I was unsure of how to confess my feelings. I was still contemplating what to do when the three of us had a movie night. Logan had gotten up to get more popcorn, when he tripped and landed in my lap. And, well, with him so close, I couldn’t help but to reach out and kiss him.”

“It was very sweet to watch,” Morality continued the story. “But I remember feeling a bit disappointed, and I’d planned to leave the room, when they grabbed my hands.”

“The kiss was a surprise” Logic said, “A good one though. And when Patton went to leave, I received another surprise when I realized I didn’t want to let him go. I startled myself actually. But thankfully, Roman had also reached out to him, so I knew this wasn’t a feeling I was alone in.”

“Yes,” Prince agreed. “So the two of us pulled Patton closer, and we, well, we talked and we kissed, and it all just turned out wonderfully!”

Anxiety’s fists clenched. It wasn’t fair. They were so perfect, and happy together, the three of them fitting like puzzle pieces. And here he was alone, and out of place. Why was he even here? He didn’t need to stay here, awkward and unnecessary, feeling sick and stupid as he looked at perfection, wishing that he could be part of it too- oh.

Oh _shit!_

He had to leave. Now.

Not even bothering to make an excuse, he sank down immediately, popping into his room. His heart pounding and his head spinning, as he turned up his music as loud as it would go.

But lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling in desperation, not even the loudest music he had could drown out his realization. He was in love with the others.

He was so very, very fucked.

After about an hour of listening to music. Anxiety had calmed down slightly. Okay, so he was in love with them. Yes, that sucked. Yes, he was going to be miserably jealous. But, the others didn’t know, and he spent most of his time in his room anyway, so he could just hide. Hide until the feelings went away.

Deep down, Anxiety knew this wouldn’t work, but he had to try. It wasn’t like there was really another option. He was never going to get what he wanted, and if he threw a fit about it, he’d just cost himself their friendship. No, it was better to keep quiet and hidden till he had himself under control

But just after resigning himself to weeks of misery, there was a knock on the door.

Anxiety froze. Oh no. Oh, no, no, no, no. He wasn’t ready to see them!

 _Maybe if I don’t respond they’ll go away,_ he thought desperately.

But even that hope was crushed by Prince calling out “Anxiety, we know you’re in there.”

 _Okay, you can do this,_ he thought as he shuffled towards the door. _I’ll just tell them I wasn’t feeling well and that I’m going to try and sleep it off. That will hopefully get them to back off and get out of the room._

Palms sweating, he reluctantly opened the door to see the three of the standing there, looking at him with varying degrees of concern.

“Hey,” he muttered, “what’s up?”

“Shouldn’t we be asking you that?” Prince said, raising an eyebrow. “You’re the one who vanished for no reason, Mr. Panic! at the Video.”

Ignoring the nickname, Anxiety mumbled in reply, “Just wasn’t feeling well”

A hand was then pressed to his forehead. “Oh, are you alright” Morality asked, concern bubbling out. “You do look a little flushed.”

Anxiety shied away from the hand. “It’s nothing,” he insisted, still refusing to meet their eyes. “I’m just going to sleep it off. I’ll be better in the morning.”

With that, he went to close the door, hoping to end this whole encounter before he could put himself through any more pain or humiliation. But Logic’s hand stopped him.

“Are you sure that’s the full truth?” he asked, his eyes intense in a way that made Anxiety suppress a shiver. “This isn’t the first incident of odd behavior. You’ve been acting strangely for weeks now. Even since we announced our relationship in fact.”

Anxiety froze. _Well, shit._

Prince’s eyes narrowed. “Is that what this is?” he demanded, his voice now more angry than concerned. “Do you have a problem with the three of us being together?”

“No!” Anxiety blurted out horrified. He couldn’t have them think that! Desperate to keep them from hating him, he started babbling.

“No, I don’t have a problem with it! You guys are fantastic together. You make each other so fucking happy, and it’s great. I’m happy for you, really. And I hope that you stay happy, I swear. Please believe me, I don’t have a problem with it. And I’m so sorry I’ve been acting weird. You guys are just so fucking perfect, and I just wish-“

Anxiety cut himself off before he could blurt out anything else. His face now burning, he ducked his head, praying that the others weren’t mad.

When he dared to peek up at them trying to judge their reaction, Morality was looking thoughtful.

“Anxiety,” he said slowly, moving closer. “Stop me if you aren’t okay with this.”

 _Okay with what?_ Anxiety wondered bewildered, but before he could ask, his face was cupped, and Morality was getting closer, and closer, and then.

He was kissing him. _Morality_ was kissing _him_.

Anxiety flailed a bit, his hands rising into the air uncertainly. He didn’t know what to do. Part of him desperately wanted to lean into it, but the other part of him was terrified of what might happen afterwards.

When Morality broke the kiss, his thumbs still stroking Anxiety’s cheeks, Anxiety could only gasp up at him, all his words just out of reach.

Eventually he managed to speak.

“W-w-what was that” he stuttered, eyes darting nervously to the other two, who were still watching. ( _Were they mad?_ )

“I-I don’t understand,” he continued, trying to make sense of it all.

“Really, you can’t figure it out,” Prince purred, moving closer. Oh god, he was right next to him now. His hand came up to rest on the back of Anxiety’s neck. “You can’t even guess.”

Much to his mortification, Anxiety could only squeak in response. At the sound of it, a smirk crossed Prince’s face, and the hand on Anxiety’s neck tightened, pulling him closer, and Prince was right there! And-

Anxiety abruptly pulled out of Prince’s grasp, his heart feeling like it was going to burst from his chest.

“What the hell is going on?” he demanded, caught halfway between fury and fear. “Is this some kind of joke?”

Prince straightened up from where he had been leaning over Anxiety, looking indignant, but it was Logic who spoke.

“Why would this be a joke?” he asked frowning.

Anxiety let a bitter laugh escape his lips. “Really?” he spat out. “You think I’m that stupid? Look I know I’ve been acting like an idiot recently, but that doesn’t mean I’m that stupid. Why the hell would any of you ever be interested in me? Why would anyone?”

Not wanting to see the moment when they came clean and let pretense fall, he turned away. “You can just go,” he called out over his shoulder. “I don’t fucking need this.”

But then hands were grabbing him, pulling him back towards the door. He struggled, trying to escape, but they were too strong, and soon he was wrapped in Prince’s embrace with Logic and Morality standing in front of him.

Giving up on breaking Prince’s hold, Anxiety dropped his eyes instead, wishing that they’d just let him go. But soon even that reprieve was taken from him, as Logic lifted his chin.

“Anxiety,” he said firmly. “We need to establish something. If you do not wish to enter a relationship with us because you are uninterested, that is fine. Simply tell us so and we will leave.”

“However,” here his gaze turned steely, and Anxiety’s breath caught in his chest. “If you are refusing us because you are laboring under the impression that it is us who is uninterested, or that you do not deserve to be part of such a relationship, that is entirely untrue, and such assumptions would need to be corrected immediately. Do you understand?”

Anxiety respond. He just couldn’t. It was too much to process, Logan’s words, Roman’s arms, the way Patton had begun to lean up against him. He didn’t know what to do!

His distress must have shown on his face because Logan’s eyes softened in intensity, as he stepped closer.

“Anxiety,” he said gently. “We like you. We’ve wanted you to join our relationship for some time now. The only question is, do you like us back.”

Still struggling to breath, Anxiety licked his lips and tried to muster a response, but no sound emerged. Logan’s hand came up to cradle his head. “Just nod yes or no,” he told him.

Head still reeling with everything that had happened, Anxiety did the only thing he could. He nodded.

Logan's lips slid into smile, and then suddenly those lips were on his, moving gently against them.

Anxiety let his eyes slip shut, as he melted into the kiss. This- this was really happening.

Then the moment was broken, as he was spun around in Roman’s arms to gaze up at the other side. “I didn’t get to kiss your pretty lips earlier,” Roman murmured, looking at Anxiety in a way that made him squirm.

And then Roman’s arms tightened, and they were kissing, Roman’s lips pressing hot and intently against his. As the kiss went on, Roman pulled Anxiety’s lower lip into his mouth, biting on it slightly, making Anxiety gasp, with Roman taking the opportunity to deepen the kiss.

When he was finally released, his head swimming, Anxiety barely had time to breath before he was turned yet again to face Patton, who began to press kisses to every inch of his face. Not just his lips, but his cheeks, his nose, his forehead. It was overwhelming.

A hand slid into his hair and tipped his head back as Patton moved to his neck, making Anxiety meet Logan’s eyes.

“Think you understand now?” the other teased, his eyes glittering.

Head still spinning, Anxiety could only pant in response. But Logan’s smirk said he understood. And judging by his chuckle, so did Roman.

Logan leaned in again, making Anxiety’s eyes flutter shut.

“We are never going to let you go,” he murmured against Anxiety’s lips. “You’re stuck with us.”

Anxiety was okay with that.

**Author's Note:**

> Check out my tumblr at ec-sanderssides


End file.
